5 ways to boost your Sex Life after pregnancy!

Pregnancy is one of the most challenging times in the life of any couple. While in many cases it helps to increase the emotional bond in many others it also can create a lot of tension and negativity. Thou there are many causes for pregnancy leading to negativity and tension, one of the major reasons for such is the lack of healthy sex. 

It has to be understood that Sex is one of the essential instincts. It’s not just an orgasm providing exercise but in a committed relationship it’s the most powerful physical expression of trust, care and love between the two individuals. 

And as the practical phrase says, “actions speak more than words”, unsatisfactory sexual life leads to decreased meaning of words, lack of trust, decreased love and increased negativity between the partners.

Pregnancy is one such time when many partners chose to abstain from regular sexual activity, leading to sexual dissatisfaction and increased stress.

Over the last few years I have seen that modern Indian couples don’t mind having an open discussion on this issue. They recognize how sexual tension is transforming into relationship stress, and they don’t mind consulting professionals to help them out with the same. 

I have had hundreds of couples who have consulted me regarding this issue. Hereby I give you 5 techniques that both partners need to en-act to re-ignite the fire and fun in your sexual life after pregnancy-

1.      Let cupid strike again.
Commonest Mistake that new Parents make is to focus all their energies into parenthood.

While most excel in learning the nuances of parenthood, many drift apart as soul-mates. Remember that Child is not going anywhere, but the love between you two might.
1^st rule – Since you have been focusing on pregnancy and childbirth it’s time to remind yourself about love on both emotional and physical plane.

a.       It’s essential to continuously gift each other with a special thank you note,  surprise gift, sms or phone call mentioning how he/she is a great partner, great lover and source of love in your life.

b.      Well placed touching, kisses and hugs to physically show what you emotionally mean.

2.      If the Flame is ON, don’t think, do it

Second mistake that new parents do is to “voluntarily” keep Sex on the back burner. The moment they start getting comfortable with each other, start getting aroused and feel like getting down to business, the thought of the child strikes and puts a break to all activity.
Imagine If your favourite food was in front of you, and as you approach to eat it, even before you could touch it someone just threw it away. Your subconscious mind would burst into negativity with feelings like anger, sadness, irritation, etc. The same just magnified many thousand times happens when you get aroused for sex and suddenly withdraw.

2^nd rule – If you are aroused, do it.

The demands of the child might not permit you a full hour or hour and half session but that doesn’t stop you from enjoying a quick 5min nooky.  Keeping this in mind, time management as in when the baby is taking a nap, early morning before he/she wakes up, or in the during his afternoon nap have to be devised.

3.      The bed is no longer “yours”

The great majority of couples are conditioned to have sex on the bed. With the arrival of the baby, the mind quickly adjusts to perceive the bed as a place to rest, sleep or take care of the baby. The image of the bed being “your private place” or “your sanctuary for love” is slowly erased from conscious self.

3^rd rule- Become an explorer. Leave the bed and consider other places for love making. Store room, guest room, sofa, couch, table-top, the possibilities are infinite if you look for them.

4.      Get out of your Aunty/Uncle Mode.

It’s a universal truth that “The mind loves what appeals to the eyes”. This truth is relevant from the moment of birth to moment of death.
Many couples think that parenthood is the last step in personal development. They stop caring about their physical self. Using the child as an excuse the explore the earlier forbidden territories of gorging into food and drink, decreased physical activity and decreased personal grooming. Slowly the physical attraction between partners starts drifting away.

4^th rule – Parenthood is not an excuse to become ugly. Take small steps and keep yourself physically fit and groom yourself properly. Don’t use the child as an excuse to stop you from getting new clothes, new hair cut, or remain fashionable.

Keeping your physical appeal helps improve your love and sex life post pregnancy.

 

 5.      Talk.
One of the main reasons for lack of sex drive post pregnancy is the lack of communication between partners. While one might be exhausted from taking care of the baby, the other might be exhausted from thinking about the baby’s future.  The most soothing balm for this exhaustion is talking.

5^th Rule – Talk. Every day for 30min make sure that you communicate with each other.  Don’t fight or have arguments, but communicate. Talk on topics of common interest, talk on each other’s feelings/emotions/fears/apprehensions about the future. Listen to each other. Even if you have hundred of opinions about each thing he/she says, develop habit of listening.

There is nothing more power than effective communication to re-ignite the desire to be in each other’s arms and make love like never before.

“BE HAPPY”

Thanks for reading

Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS,PGDPM, MBPS, MD(mindmantra))

Motivational Speaker - Mind Trainer –

Emotional, Behavioral, Sleep, Memory and Sexual Health Consultant at Mind Mantra.

www.mindmantra.in

email - eksoch@gmail.com

Facebook profile link - http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/mindmantra.in

Twitter profile link - http://twitter.com/#!/HemanttMittal

Sexual Health - Commonly Asked Questions (part 1)

1. I am a 25yrs old Male. I have noticed white deposit under my penis skin. Is it something to be worried about? Sometimes it causes itching. Please suggest what I should do.
   
   Those white deposits are called smegma. It’s a normal secretion by the body.
   It’s important that you clean it daily with soap and water.
   If not washed properly it can become a site for growth of bacteria or function.
   Itching is a sign of infection at that site.
   Consult a dermatologist or sexologist immediately.
   The doctor needs to take a look at it, then diagnose and treat the type of infection involved.
   
   
2. I am 22yrs old male. I have noticed that the size of my testicles are smaller when compared to those men in “blue-films” (porn movies). Is there any trouble for my sex life?
   
   Testicle size is determined genetically. The function of the testicles is to produce sperms. And if are producing a normal ejaculate than nothing to be worried about.
   
   
3. I am a 25yr old girl from a very good family. I have kissed my boyfriend a few days back. After that this time I started experienced immense pain during my periods. I fear telling my parents, am I pregnant?
   No you are not pregnant. The pain might be due to many reasons, including stress. You can show it to your local gynaecologist.
   
   
   
4. I am a 24yr old girl. I am in the habit of masturbation. A few days ago I experienced bleeding after masturbation. Does this mean that my hymen is broken?  I fear my husband will never accept me as my virginity is now lost. I am very scared to have lost my hymen without doing anything wrong.Please help
   When in your heart you know that you haven’t done anything wrong than don’t be afraid.
   Rupture of the hymen is not the criteria for virginity. It’s social myth.
   Majority of girls in today’s age experience rupture of hymen much before marriage due to over stretching during  exercises like aerobics or gym, riding a bicycle, running or dancing.
   Any man who is fixated upon such a social myth has the personality of destroying his personal happiness on the influence of anybody.
   
   
5. I was asked to buy condoms during ragging at college. Thou I am a very confident person, I felt a lot of shame and couldn’t do it. Now I want to have sex with my girl friend. She doesn’t want to take OC pills. I still have that fear in my mind, is there any alternative to condoms.
   Remove the fear of buying condoms from your mind. Instead of thinking that you are doing something wrong, remember you are doing something right by buying protection. Those who might judge you are wrong  as they don’t understand what a practical step you are taking in life.
   
   She is right in avoiding OC pills as long as possible. As they will affect her health.
   
   
6. I  am a very young and beautiful woman. I have been married for the past few months. My husband does not initiate sex. Please help me as I feel I am not complete women for him.
   It’s very important to assess the reasons for the lack of interest in sex. Many men have a fear of not being able to satisfy their partner and try best to avoid sex. They need both physical and emotional encouragement to overcome that fear.
   If problem is beyond your control, you both can consult a psychiatrist or a sexologist.
   
   
7. My penis is bent downwards, is there something to worry. Do I need to get some treatment?
   In many cases  a slight bent in the penis is present. If you feel that you have beyond normal bent, then show to your local sexologist or surgeon to rule out any development deformity.
   
    
8. I am 26yr old male. Sex is on my mind almost all the time. I watch porn to feel satisfied, but still the thought doesn’t go away. It gets very embarrassing cause I get an erection, when I start to have sexual thoughts of my colleagues, boss or any women who I see for long time. Please help me.
   Your mind seems to be obsessed with sexual thoughts. It might be sign of high sexual anxiety or your mind developing a sort of Obsessive compulsive problem. Consult a psychiatrist or sexologist immediately before this destroys your professional, personal and social life.
   
   
9. I am 25yr old female. Have been married since 2yrs. My husband is addicted to porn. I have caught him many times watching the same. His performance in bed is also not satisfactory. I am feeling frustrated. Please help me, I fear I will drift apart from my husband and fall into unholy behaviour.
   Porn addiction is a tricky situation. Fantasy world satisfaction can completely overtake real world satisfaction, destroying his sexual life.
   IF you are open minded about it, a good technique that you can use, both of you can watch porn together. Start by enjoying masturbation and slowly move towards intercourse. You can spice it up by wearing dresses shown in the adult movies, so that his attraction towards you increases.
   
   
10. I am 32yrs old. I have observed that my penis becomes soft within few seconds of penetration. This has started a few months ago and since them I am fearful of having sex with my wife. I try to avoid it whenever she comes near to me. Please help me.
    You need to consult a sexologist or psychiatrist to find out if you are having Erectile dysfunction. It’s a common condition that affects most men especially during periods of high stress.
    In those men who are sensitive by nature or those who are extremely concerned about their sexual performance even a single episode of erectile dysfunction can create a negative memory that keeps circulating in their mind. Creating fear and preventing further performance.
    
    
11. I am 24yr old male, I have noticed my right testicles is higher than the left one, is it ok? Normally both testicles don’t lie at the same level. One is higher than the other.  In most cases the right one is higher, but in some it’s the left one. There is nothing to worry about that.
    
    
    
    Thanks for reading
    
    
    Dr.Hemant Mittal (MBBS,PGDPM, MBPS, MD(mindmantra))
    Motivational Speaker - Mind Trainer –
    Emotional, Behavioral, Sleep, Memory and Sexual Health Consultant at Mind Mantra.
    www.mindmantra.in
    email - eksoch@gmail.com
    Facebook profile link - http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/mindmantra.in
    Twitter profile link - http://twitter.com/#!/HemanttMittal